A was back in my care for the past five days. He is with his dad more at the beginning of summer and I have him A more at the end of the summer. The Dino and I have a very detailed time sharing arrangement as specified in our mediation document (that is official - in the court record). In the summer we each get a 14 day time span. In even numbered years I get my choice of the two weeks if there is an overlap and the Dino gets the same in odd numbered years. We each are required to provide our preferred two week time span by the first day that our local YMCA has registration for summer camp. This seems odd, but we needed some official date and this is what the Dino came up with and I went with it. This date is usually some time in Feb or March. Once those two week time spans are in the schedule we divide the summer up into one week time spans. The person who had A the last weekend of school will NOT have him the first weekend of summer, so that is another rule. If there is an extra day I get it in even years, the Dino gets it in odd years.
Also, the Dino has A in his care for Father's Day weekend and the day before and the day of the Dino's birthday - 6/28. This is only fair, since I have the same for my birthday and mother's day. This means that I never request my two week time span in June, because I want to use that time to travel to Chicago so that A and I can spend time with my side of the family (and the birthday/Father's day rule trumps the you get your preferred two week time span in even numbered years rule). This is why I have A only five days instead of seven (would normally have had him this weekend, but did not because of Father's Day). In short, June usually sucks because I have A so little.
Mind you, for the past two summers the Dino has come up with an alternative schedule to the two weeks each and then one week one and off schedule. Last summer he had a plan where we each had A in our care for alternating 10 day time spans. I was fine with that so went with it. This year he was adjusting the schedule up until late May because he waited too long to plan and register for some of his beloved structured activities. I proactively offered that I was ok with the changes, but then he took forever to get them done (got annoyed with me when come late May I told him I needed some closure, yet when he finally got organized called me at 7 pm one evening wanting me to drive the 6-7 miles to the Starbucks by his home to go over the schedule right then......and then got angry and annoyed with me when I said I could not drop what I was doing to do that - ugh!).
As with so many things, I have taken the approach with this summer schedule thing to not get too wound up about it. I did in the past and it led to no good. Is it fair that when I get A back from the Dino in the summer that A is a frazzled, tired mess, such that he cannot handle any sort of structured activity and wants to fall in a heap and just lay around (NO!). Is it fair that if I wanted to be creative with the summer schedule the Dino would have none of it, but I allow him much leeway (NO!). Is it fair that any sort of summer schoolwork that is required (such as the summer reading project) ends up having to be done on my time with A (NO!). But raising a confident, wonderful, bright boy with an emotionally abuse, control freak father has just about nothing to do with being fair (at least about what is fair for me). It has to do with what will work for A. What teaches him to do the right thing. What addresses his needs. I try VERY HARD to do this. I am not always successful, but so far so good on this front this June.
This is a big part of why I make sure that Andrew has a chance to buy the Dino a Father's Day present and a Birthday present. This relates to struggles with figuring out when to just let things go and let the Dino have his way or stand up to him. Both for choices I make and for A asking me about what choices he should make. But this entry is getting too long, so I will write about these issues another time.
The Dino schedules A within an inch of A's life. God forbid A would have a day or two where he just hangs out, reads, swims, watches some movies or tv. I am all for activities and enrichment, but As school year is so intense that a little down time is a good idea. This means that I have given up on planning anything too structured for the summer. This week we went swimming most days (except when it was raining.....could not - bummer). We hung out at the bookstore, bummed around the mall, went to eat, read, and watched some sort of something (hulu, dvds, etc). Plus A made headway on his insanely detailed summer reading project, since none of that gets done during Dino time (given the over scheduling!).
We also just saw Toy Story 3.....so good! Yesterday was the near perfect day.....met friends for the movie and lunch out, hung out at the bookstore and read fun stuff, came home and swam, I made a big bowl of vlogbrothers Brotherhood 2.0 videos. We just discovered them so are watching the vlogs from the beginning - so much fun, so inspirational - especially for natural nerd fighters like A and me.
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