So the Dino and I have a very specific mediated agreement (that is, our divorce agreement that is a legally binding document). This is a good thing in many ways. We have very specific rules for our sharing pattern for A. For summer we each give each other a two week time span by a specified date. If there is a conflict then I get my preferred two week time span even number years and the Dino in odd number years. We each get a two week time span and then divide the summer up into one week time spans. Whoever has A for the last weekend of school does NOT have him the first weekend of summer. The Dino has A for father's day weekend and the Dino's birthday (day before and day of). [So I never request my two week span in mid to late June b/c the father's day/birthday rule trumps the two week time span rule.]
For the past two years the Dino has developed a summer schedule that was a bit different than that pattern. It worked for my schedule, I like to pick my battles, so agreed to this. Summer before last the basic pattern was to divide the summer into ten week time spans (A with Dino for ten days, then me, then dad, etc.). This summer the Dino had several schedules, not finalizing summer until mid-June because he was disorganized about making his arrangements for summer. I had already established my preferred two week time span (more or less) and was even somewhat flexible as to the start time of the time span. The Dino kept tinker with the schedule, which was quite different (we each get a time span of almost three weeks.....with mine at the very end of the summer......good thing for me I said fine). I wanted my two week time span to start a bit earlier (and it is MY year to get what I want in that regard) - but I was flexible. I had wanted the Dino to fly A to me in the Chicago area (with a nonstop ticket I would purchase). But the Dino was not ok with that, although a) the Dino flew A up to his family alone when it was convenient for the Dino, b) A has flown at least 100 times, and c) A is fine with flying alone. Flying A up would give me a head start on my trip, but the Dino would not agree to this (despite my being flexible about the schedule). I keep telling myself to let things go, let thing go, let things go. And for the most part I did not let this get to me, the schedule will work out, it is not perfect, but I am letting him pretty much develop the schedule.
A few weeks before summer started I called the Dino. I was not sure that the beginning of the summer was structured the correct way. I pointed this out to the Dino. That is, that he had written the schedule, but that he might want to double check. He responded back to me in his usual haughty/arrogant way saying that the beginning of summer followed our mediated agreement (as in, "you idiot, I know what I am doing, how dare you question me."). So I let it go.
Well he realized late on the first Friday of summer that As last day of school was the prior Wed (not the prior Thu, like the rest of the district......his charter school deviates some times). If he had realized this, told me about this and asked to have A on Friday (instead of our planned transfer on that Saturday....AS PER the DINO's SCHEDULE that HE DEVELOPED!!!!) I would have done that. Instead he go angry and nasty mid-Friday morning. I pointed out to him that a) he had completely developed the schedule and that b) I tried to point out that things seemed a bit off. Oh.....but it did not end there.
The Dino wanted to take A to a Boy Scout meeting today. Mind you, I have let the Dino take A on many a summer Tuesday that is my time with A. Even though such kindness would not be reciprocated to me, that is not the point. I try very hard to do what is the right thing to do for Andrew, regardless of what is "fair." That is not the point. So I let the Dino take A. I did ask about getting A into my care a few hours early (sort of a swap for the time tonight, and especially since I had not had A for about two weeks). The Dino pointed out that he should have had one more day, but for the error in the schedule - so I really owed him time. Ugh. As my mother used to say, "no good deed goes unpunished." Not letting the Dino have his COMPLETE way with the summer schedule. Not giving him time for a Scout meeting.
Then the topper was when the Dino met me a the library just before 9 pm tonight he called to say that he was out in the parking lot, that I needed to come out and meet them, and that he would welcome the extra few minutes until I came out. I started to tell him to just send A in to me (it is a small library and he was perfectly safe sending him in to me). But the Dino spoke at me and then hung up on me.
Like so many sociopaths he is nice (like this Saturday when he wanted something from me) but can't even speak to me (let alone even thank me.....forget about ever thinking that will happen) once he has gotten what he wanted. Having said this, would I let him take A for a Scout meeting if it mattered to A? Probably. Would I make copies of documents from Andrew's music portfolio (that the Dino took no responsibility for helping Andrew with, taking him to the concerts he needed to go to in order to write papers about, his Dave Brubeck project that took hours and hours and hours, etc.) so that Andrew could use it for a Boy Scout Badge. Sure.
I guess it gives me satisfaction to feel like I am doing what I think is right even if it is not fair - at least to me. That is just how it is to have to deal with a sociopathic, Patrick Stewart hating Dino. But it is not easy! Sometimes I think I should fight all of these battles, not let things, go etc. But the agony of it would be too difficult and I am not sure for what outcome.
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